Do you know what the new drug is, and are you teaching your kids to fight it?
Pornography. It’s everywhere and it’s accessible. Even to our very young children. Your children have likely experienced some degree of pornography.
Remember, a child’s brain doesn’t process and rationalize information the same as an adult brain so yes, to a 7-year-old thinker, that Victoria Secret window or cosmetic counter banner is a form of pornography. We call it GP (gateway porn) at our house because those “soft” images dull the senses and act as a gateway for later exposure. Thank you, Kristen Jenson and PornProofKids for that suggestion!
Pornography. It’s everywhere and it’s accessible. Even to our very young children. Your children have likely experienced some degree of pornography.
Remember, a child’s brain doesn’t process and rationalize information the same as an adult brain so yes, to a 7-year-old thinker, that Victoria Secret window or cosmetic counter banner is a form of pornography. We call it GP (gateway porn) at our house because those “soft” images dull the senses and act as a gateway for later exposure. Thank you, Kristen Jenson and PornProofKids for that suggestion!
Each of my own children was exposed to some form of pornography by the age of 6; one while walking down the street in Las Vegas, one at a friend’s house, one by a neighbor friend in our front yard, and one here at our house as we were looking for printable coloring pages. And yes, we are careful, have passwords, and are fairly vigilant in our efforts, but it is no longer something that I can control. There are too many opportunities for exposure.
It is such a part of our children’s world that I feel pretty darn confident saying that if you have a 10 year old who tells you they haven’t encountered some form of pornography, they’re embarrassed and aren’t being completely honest about it. It’s a hard conversation for a child to initiate. Even when the parent takes the lead, some kids talk more openly than others.
One of the trickiest elements about pornography is that it preys upon the innocent. And so many emotions are experienced after its viewing: surprise, embarrassment, hesitancy, curiosity, excitement, intrigue, shame and the pull to return. It’s tricky. It’s deceptive. It destroys families.
It is such a part of our children’s world that I feel pretty darn confident saying that if you have a 10 year old who tells you they haven’t encountered some form of pornography, they’re embarrassed and aren’t being completely honest about it. It’s a hard conversation for a child to initiate. Even when the parent takes the lead, some kids talk more openly than others.
One of the trickiest elements about pornography is that it preys upon the innocent. And so many emotions are experienced after its viewing: surprise, embarrassment, hesitancy, curiosity, excitement, intrigue, shame and the pull to return. It’s tricky. It’s deceptive. It destroys families.
So what do we do? Our job is to bring it out in the open. Remove the shame. It is going to happen so we need to shine light on the reality and difficulty of it. We need to teach our kids how to respond and prepare them for what they might feel. I might not be able to control whether or not they encounter harmful images, but I can prepare them for when it happens and help develop their internal filter.
Maybe they won’t feel super excited to come tell us, but they need to know they aren’t in trouble, they aren’t bad, and that we can help. When we invest the time and heart to build solid relationships, we increase the odds of fighting this together.
Where do we start? A great resource I have relied on is Good Pictures, Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids by Kristen A. Jenson, MA and Gail A. Poyner, PhD. Whether you have no idea where to start or feel like you’ve got this covered, it is worth having. Why? Because it
Maybe they won’t feel super excited to come tell us, but they need to know they aren’t in trouble, they aren’t bad, and that we can help. When we invest the time and heart to build solid relationships, we increase the odds of fighting this together.
Where do we start? A great resource I have relied on is Good Pictures, Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids by Kristen A. Jenson, MA and Gail A. Poyner, PhD. Whether you have no idea where to start or feel like you’ve got this covered, it is worth having. Why? Because it
· defines pornography using language comfortable for children,
· teaches about addiction and its impact on the brain, and
· lays out a 5 step “CAN DO Plan ™” that’s easy for kids to remember and follow.
· teaches about addiction and its impact on the brain, and
· lays out a 5 step “CAN DO Plan ™” that’s easy for kids to remember and follow.
Good Pictures Bad Pictures can be read cover to cover or act as a guide for you to construct your own conversations.
Additionally, PornProofKids.com has a wealth of information about how to start that first conversation with your kids as well as a series of posts coaching parents on how to create a S.M.A.R.T. plan so that you can respond to their exposure to porn in a way that creates a safe environment.
I love getting their newsletters because it reminds my brain to check in and keep the conversations going. The days of a one-time sex talk are long gone!
It’s awful to hear that your child has been exposed to pornography. Each time, I feel sick to my stomach and feel worried, but I don’t want my kids figuring this out on their own. When we bring conversations about pornography into the open, we are arming our children and disarming the porn industry! Take time today to educate yourself so you can begin the conversation and join in the fight against pornography. You will be so glad you did.
Additionally, PornProofKids.com has a wealth of information about how to start that first conversation with your kids as well as a series of posts coaching parents on how to create a S.M.A.R.T. plan so that you can respond to their exposure to porn in a way that creates a safe environment.
I love getting their newsletters because it reminds my brain to check in and keep the conversations going. The days of a one-time sex talk are long gone!
It’s awful to hear that your child has been exposed to pornography. Each time, I feel sick to my stomach and feel worried, but I don’t want my kids figuring this out on their own. When we bring conversations about pornography into the open, we are arming our children and disarming the porn industry! Take time today to educate yourself so you can begin the conversation and join in the fight against pornography. You will be so glad you did.
I can guide you as you lead your family through conflict and uncertainty. I will help you find joy in an imperfect and messy life.
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